V/H/S Beyond review

 

V/H/S Beyond review

 

 

(I wonder how long I can lean into this before Nintendo sues my goofy ass)

 

Greetings, travelers from beyond, it’s your favorite Krocodilian from the Kosmos back again with a spectacularly spooky horrowshow from the fine folks over at Shudder! Here with a review of V/H/S Beyond! Aka, V/H/S…7?! Bruh, the first movie came out when I was still in middle school! …How do I feel old at 25? Uh..sorry, got sidetracked there. Let’s get into the review and Krank up the Noise!

So, another October comes around and with it, another entry in the ...venerable…? horror series V/H/S and I have to admit that even as I write this review, there’s still a part of me that simply asks myself ‘How on fucking Earth does a seventh V/H/S film even exist? I’m shocked this series even lasted past the third one.’ Which honestly, is probably the most concrete opinion I’ve managed to form on this series as a whole. Seriously, I feel like I can never pin down anyone’s feelings on these movies, my own included. I never find them being discussed or even mentioned whenever people talk about modern horror series but every year, Shudder puts out a new one and like clockwork; me and hundreds, maybe thousands of other folks give them a watch. I can’t say they fly under the radar, but they also don’t capture the same attention as films like the Terrifier series do, despite aiming for a similar audience, and courting some very talented cast and directors for some of these segments. Still, even with the undeniable strengths these movies have, they always seem to be stuck in the middle of the road, both when it comes to popularity and quality. Speaking only for myself, I find myself enjoying these movies well enough, but they rarely linger in my mind when I done, save for V/H/S 94, which is absolutely still the best of these in my opinion and the only one where I really remember more than two segments from the whole affair. As for the rest of the series, each one is all right and imaginative if nothing else. I don’t think there’s one I actively disliked. Hell, I even dug V/H/S Viral, I certainly enjoyed it way more than most critics did at the time, even if the skater segment was kind of undeniably obnoxious and the wrap-around story was a little boring. It’s just when is said and done, I can’t say any of V/H/S films left an impact and from what I can gather online, I’m not only in that assessment. Does V/H/S Beyond do anything to change that pattern, for better or worse? Well’s, grab your space-suits ladies and gents, let’s take to the stars and probe a little deeper into V/H/S Beyond!

(I love how these people aren't in some fancy police station or homebase. They look like they're just in an office building break room. That plus the absolute clutter that is their table makes them feel little scrappy and rough-edged. Which only serves to make this particular cast of characters more charming)

  Right, in case what I’m about to say, let me be perfectly clear when I say that I don’t think this film is bad, it was pretty fun on a first watch and each segment certainly has a sense of style and personality that makes them stand out, which is more than I can say for some other anthology horror movies. The theme of science fiction and more specifically alien themed horror that the segments adhere to gives this movie a very distinct feel from its predecessors and I did absolutely love the wraparound being a mixture of a podcast and those cheesy daytime ‘alien/monster investigation’ shows in the vein of Monster Quest or Destination Truth. As someone who grew up watching those shows far more than I probably should’ve, I quickly found myself endeared to that aspect of the film (even if I found its conclusion to be a little anti-climatic but no spoilers there.)

  

(Also, it was a great move to get Mitch Horowitz from Alien Encounters as essentially our main narrator through the film. If nothing else, the casting director needs the biggest fucking raise they can get.)

                                             

And as for the segments themselves, there was only one I considered to be outright bad, and only one other I would even call just kind of so-so. But I also find myself struggling to connect with even the movie’s best efforts beyond a superficial level, with the exception of the final segment. Outside of that, most of what I liked about V/H/S Beyond didn't go past a deeper emotional level than 'oh shid, that cool yo.' . The movie is fun but it’s the kind of fun that comes from a party popper or a novelty item. A quick and ultimately fleeting form of entertainment that doesn’t have a lot of staying power in my mind. Each individual segment would probably be a cool hook for a movie in their own right (in fact, one is suspiciously similar to another movie but we’ll get to that in a moment) but, by the nature of them being condensed down into the anthology format, only one or two of these segments feel like they have the space to properly breath and explore their premises with any sort of depth. The rest all feel as if they stop just when they were getting interesting or have so much context glossed over that I feel like I’m watching an extended trailer or an abridged version of a larger movie that someone made on YouTube. While ambiguity and uncertainty can absolutely work in horror’s favor, most of the segments inspired more confusion than fear and made me wish we could stick with these ideas a little more and squeeze in a little more story of them.

 

 

 

(I will say, as someone who grew up watching Youtube to a near religious degree. I will say that if I saw these two on the street, I would absolutely think they're Youtubers and I say that as an amateur Youtuber.)

 

A perfect example of this is the second segment “Dream Girl” which follows these two paparazzi bouncing around Mumbai in an effort to record a popular Bollywood actress for an exclusive news piece they’re running on her.  The segment waste spends far too long having us listen to the main characters’ inane chatter in between each other that there’s not enough room left for the actual horror elements of the segment and the ‘twist’ that I won’t spoil feels poorly explained and undercooked in the end. Though, credit where it’s due, the in-universe music video that we see half-way through does come back during the climax in an excellent use of set up and pay off. If the segment built up to its eventual twist a little more than it would’ve felt less sudden and jarring, maybe the filmmakers could’ve left little clues as to what’s to come for viewers to find on a rewatch. In fact, I think Dream Girl kind of perfectly exemplifies my divided feelings on this movie as a whole, there are still some elements of this segment that I absolutely love such as the cinematography. The way the segment plays with lighting and camera angles, blending the found footage aesthetic with the visual style of a music video to create this unsettling, purposefully disorienting chaos that accentuates the sheer panic our main characters are experiencing in the moment. Though, fair warning, there’s a worrying amount of flashing lights and if you’re epileptic it would be advisable to skip this part entirely. Shit, I’m not epileptic but there were some points where the red lights flashing in and out kind of gave me a headache, weirdly enough I kind of enjoyed that because it added to visceral rush of frightened emotions that scene was conveying but that’s not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea and I totally get that. But before the segment doesn’t put its best foot forward and makes the viewer sit through a lot of useless fluff before you can dig into any of the good parts. While far from bad, I think Dream Girl could’ve used a few more tweaks here and there to how it allocates its runtime to better build an intriguing mystery that its ending twist could’ve greatly benefitted from. As it is, it’s a great ending and some fun ideas weighed down by a very boring opening.

 

 

(I will say, even if this music video in the middle of Dream Girl didn't tie back to the climax, it would still be pretty enjoyable in its own right. If this song is on Youtube Music than it might just end up in my playlist for a little bit.)

 

 

Now for a part of the movie that doesn’t mess around and just gets you to the good stuff asap. We have the first segment, which might not necessarily be the best but is certainly the most entertaining in a 'turn your brain off and munch' sort of way.  ‘Stork’, which Amazon X-Ray helpfully informed me was an adaptation of an art piece by a fella who goes by the name of Oleg Vdovenko (My spellchecker is gonna shit itself over that last name, I just know it) and hats off, this certainly was one Hell of a way to grab my attention from moment one. Centering around a S.W.A.T team raiding a house where a cult is supposedly keeping a bunch of kidnapped babies, including the infant child of one of the S.W.A.T members. This skit can best be described as ‘Hardcore Henry filtered through Resident Evil 4&5 with just hint of Evil Dead.’ After the very brief introduction to the characters and general premise, this segment kicks the fucking door down both literally and figuratively, delivering non-stop action from start to finish as the S.W.A.T Team goes in so heavily armed that Frank Castle would tell them to turn it down a notch and just start shotgunning zombies without a single shit to give. And in case you thought the Resident Evil comparison was superfluous pop-culture reference, the most persistent of the undead puts on his best Dr.Salvador impression and starts rushing down the cast with a chainsaw, swinging wildly until he’s shot down and his own weapon is taken from him and used in one of the best scenes in the entire film as our p.o.v character becomes a one-man meat grinder with the zombies being forced into the unfortunate role of the meat. The acting in this segment is wonderfully and purposefully hammy, especially Vas Provatakis (Again, spellchecker is not having fun today) as E.T, the father looking for his daughter and going on a vengeful rampage through the house. Admittedly, I don’t know much of the cast as I haven’t seen a lot of what they’re in, so this is my first exposure to most of them. I think I remember Jolene Anderson from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D but I dropped off that show quick and hard so my memory might be failing me when it comes to that show. Regardless, they’re all having fun with their roles, delivering hokey one-liners and making jokes at the expense of their monstrous foes. And though the zombies themselves aren’t exactly scary with how easy they go, there are some genuinely creepy effects like when the chainsaw zombie gets back and his mouth stretched down to his chest and he’s just this writhing, walking maw shuffling towards the camera, though on the other end, there are some offer creature designs that don’t work nearly as well and there’s one towards the end of the segment, a giant stork monster that gives the segment its name,  that genuinely made me laugh when it was supposed to be frightening, and it doesn’t help that the camera just stops to linger on this thing for a solid moment, really letting the audience get a good look at how silly this design is. The shiny, almost plasticine skin makes this monster look less like an alien and more like a Rubber Chicken repurposed into a Halloween decoration. Still, given the short’s allusions to other works of camp other, maybe the Stork’s silliness was somewhat intentional but either way, Stork is everything a V/H/S segment should be in my opinion. Snappy, straight to the point, and fulfilling despite its short runtime. The crew behind this segment knew what they wanted to do and executed it perfectly, despite the restrictions placed upon them by the format. Stork was not only a great way to start this movie off, but it’s also probably going to be the segment I remember most of the film for its sheer madcap energy.

 

(This was when I knew this segment was just gonna go for broke and I was all here for it.)

All right, skipping ahead a bit since the third segment, Live and Let Dive, is easily the least engaging to me. It’s just a bunch of dorks being chased around an orange field by some…really fucking bad CGI aliens. I don’t want to be too mean, but these things look like tech demos from 1999, and the story itself is damn near non-existent. It’s just ‘people crash into a UFO while skydiving. Alien chase sky-divers’ And neither the writing nor visual effects do much to elevate that simple premise, it’s the worst short of the bunch by far and there’s not much to say about it I’m afraid. Though, to give some praise, I do like some of the alien’s abilities. Particularly when they split their own heads open and reveal this pulsing organ in the middle of their skulls that fires burning lasers at people, that’s a cool concept, even if the Shitty CG doesn’t manage to convey it well. Other than that, there is not a damn thing to say about this one other than skip it. Right, next segment and the one I probably considered my second favorite of the movie until I thought about it a little. Fur Babies!

(This poor bastard looks like they're an enemy in an AR game. I swear there's scenes where the alien is just floating off the ground when it's supposed to be skittering around. I wonder if this segment was the last one finished and had to be slightly rushed so the film could release on time. If that's the case then maybe pumping these movies out on a yearly basis isn't sustainable. I know that these movies are a big draw for Shudder but I think they could these films an extra year if it means getting right. Especially since Shudder releases a surprising amount of exclusive films and they're usually pretty good.

  If you couldn’t tell by the title, Fur Babies is centered around pets and pet owners. More specifically focusing on a group of animal activists who go under cover at a doggy daycare because they suspect that the woman running it, named Becky, is unfit to care for the animals on accounts that she literally stuffs and mounts her own deceased pets. Which admittedly, yeah that would probably raise my eyebrow too. However, when two of the members drop their own dog off at the daycare and try to go snooping around. They quickly find that this woman’s intentions are far more sinister than even they initially expected. Turns out. Becky is a real big fan of the Kevin Smith movie Tusk and as began turning people into human/animal hybrids only instead of Walruses, it’s of course pooches. Alright, so admittedly, while the premise and overall story of this section is very similar to Tusk, I actually think this short probably does it a little better. The way the activists are locked in cages and mutilated with needles and scalpels, having dog parts literally grafted onto them until they’re these gaunt, dreadful little horrors pantomiming canine behaviors works a fucksight better than Kevin Smith caking an actor with makeup to try and turn them into a walrus only for them a resemble a flesh covered mound of playdough instead but hey ho, that’s a review for another day. Hopefully one that’s far in the future because the less I have to remember that Tusk exits, the better. Back to Fur Babies, Libby Letlow shows some wonderful range as the main villain Becky, she keeps up this sickeningly sweet and saccharine tone even when she’s saying and doing some truly vile shit to her victims and the contrasts only adds to the off-putting nature of the whole endeavor. Overall, while Furbabies may have a familiar premise, it takes that idea and does something all its own with that premise to the point where I would honestly give this is a watch if it were made into a feature film all its own.

 

 

(The fact that Justin Long, the star of Tusk, directed Fur Babies. Makes it feel like he knew how much Kevin Smith dropped the ball with that concept and said 'Nah man, we're going for round-2 and we're doing it right this time.' Which, in my opinion at least, he absolutely did.)

And after all of that, we come to the final entry, and probably my favorite of them all,  in this Space-themed scarefest. “Stowaway” Centering around an amateur documentarian named Halley, played by Alanah Pierce of all people. For those that don’t know, she’s a former games journalist who wrote for IGN, worked for Rooster Teeth until 2020, and even got onto the writing team for God of War: Ragnarök. And, on a personal note, is a huge inspiration to me as an aspiring Games Journalist. Shit, she got into Forbes, 30 under 30! I won’t get too sidetracked, but this woman has a long and storied career that I recommend each and every one of you dig a little deeper into. As for her performance in this segment, while she doesn’t have a whole lot to work with. It’s mostly her talking to herself and reacting to what’s happening to her. She does a pretty good job with the material she’s given; she sells both the conflict Halley’s struggling with as the character clearly regrets leaving her husband and family behind to film this documentary, and her excitement when she’s eventually vindicated in her decision to do so when she finds an alien ship out in the middle of desert. Not to mention the genuine sense of awe and wonder she feels when she sneaks aboard and starts poking around the ship, becoming the titular stowaway. Honestly, Pierce’s acting and the set design are really what sells this short. The Alien ship itself is reminiscent of the works of H.R Geiger and Todd Keller (The latter being the Art director on the Metroid Prime trilogy for those curious, he’s another person you should look up.) And while I was afraid the segment was just gonna steer into ‘Aliens attack her, she run from them.’ It actually takes a drastically different turn as Halley begins to travel deeper into the ship and put together just what they’re up to. It’s a fantastic twist that plays into body horror and the idea that Halley is literally losing herself to her passion, giving up her humanity for her passion in a very physical sense, losing herself as she did her family when she initially decided to embark on this venture in the first place.

 

 

(Holy Hannah, this woman has been a writer, a games journalist, a Youtuber, a voice actor, and now a screen actor. Man, I will consider my life fulfilled  if I do even 2/3rds of the thing she's accomplished)

 

 Stowaway is a great short that has a very different atmosphere and storytelling approach than the rest of the shorts that makes it stand out amongst the rest of the film’s offering. It also works wonderfully in the shorter segment as opposed to a full-feature film because any longer than it is now would risk dragging out the plot to the point of tedium or explaining too much and demystifying everything about the alien. Whereas Dream Girl and Live and let Dive end up unsatisfactory on account of giving us too little of their story and misallocating their time on meandering dialogue that doesn’t really do a good job of exploring their characters, only serving to feel like wasted time. Stowaway finds that perfect balance of giving the audience just enough to leave them engaged in the events going on in the story while still leaving enough room for speculation and individual interpretation. While I still would’ve liked a bit more of the alien themselves, I can recognize how that might run the risk of demystifying them somewhat, so I respect the choices of the director/writer duo to only give as much as information as they felt necessary for the plot. Overall, Stowaway is definitely one of the better segments, while it doesn’t quite get under my skin in the way Furbabies did (though not for lack of trying and fair’s fair, Stowaway also has some pretty unnerving imagery) and Stork’s sheer punch of ridicules action makes it a bit more memorable to me. Stowaway is a perfectly balanced mixture of excellent emotional drama, a simple but powerfully effective story, and a cherry of body horror to top it all off. Held together by a genuinely talented lead, and what are probably the best visual effects in the film. You truly believe you could reach towards your screen and feel this bizarre, biomechanical ship for yourself, Not only is this segment my absolute favorite of the bunch, it’s also easily the one that showcases the most potential and after this, director Kate Siegel and writer Mike Flanagan are firmly on my radar. I can’t wait to see what this pair ended up doing next.

 

 

(When I say the design aesthetic takes inspiration from H.R Geiger, that also includes the very...symbolic art direction when it come to Alien worlds, devices, and creatures. Also, sorry if this pic's a bit dark, this is the best I could find because Shudder doesn't even let you take fucking screenshots. I got not letting me record video but come on, just let me take a few snapshots. What are you afraid I'm gonna upload the movie on fucking Flipnote Studio?)

So, that was V/H/S Beyond and looking back, I think I was a lot more positive on this film than I expected myself to be. With only one segment I really considered to be a dud, one that could’ve been interesting but ultimately ended up a little boring. And three very good pieces of condensed horror cinema that clearly showcase some serious talent not just in the directorial department but when it comes to acting and writing as well. V/H/S Beyond is undoubtedly one of the better entries in this franchise. While it still doesn’t quite hit the heights of 94, where every short of a genuine banger. It’s certainly has some impressive highpoints and I found it to be much more engaging that last year’s V/H/S 95, which I barely remembered even hours after seeing. The most I can recall about 95 was the profound sense of boredom that flooded my mind every second I was watching that snoozefest. V/H/S Beyond is definitely a step back onto the right path and while I'm not exactly sure how much of this movie is really gonna stick with me in the coming months, it was certainly a fun way to kill a chilly October night. Don't get me wrong, this movie is far from a 10/10, more like a 6 or 7 if I had to put a number on it. Ths movie is definitely better than some of its contemporaries and it being on a relatively cheap streaming service makes it an easy recommendation. Gather some friends, get a shot or two deep and just zone out with some often scary, and (almost) always endearing voyages into the stars above. Oh, and a quick aside before we wrap things up and blast off for that little dive in between Zebes and Cybertron. Let me just give a very hearty recommendation for Shudder as a whole. While I’m not sponsored by them in anyway (though hey, if anyone over at Shudder wants to throw money my way to have me sing your praises even louder than I’m certainly not against a partnership so long as we can achieve it in an ethical fashion) I just love using this service as a way to get into the Halloween spirit and their library just expanded to include some classic films series, namely Friday the 13^th, which felt long overdue for a horror streaming service and now that the legal quagmire around crystal lake, we can all catch up on the adventures of everyone’s favorite Machete manhandling mama’s boy Jason. Now, if we could only get Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream on there, we’ll be set for perfect slasher line-up. Still, Shudder is a great service filled to the brim with plenty of horror movies, documentaries about the making of said horror movies. Some really creative horror-themed shows like “The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula” There’s even Horror-theme podcasts and a ‘Gule Log’ just in case you wanna hang on to a little bit of that Halloween season well into Christmas time. Give Shudder a shot, be sure to give V/H/S Beyond a shot while you’re there. Remember to pilot your flying saucer responsible and always be sure… To Krank Up The Noise!!!

 

(Happy Halloween, I'm not sure what to review next. Probably Venom-3 but maybe I'll swing around to Terrifier-3 if its still playing. There's also that fathom event for Dragon Daima and I'm a sucker for seeing anything Dragon Ball in the theaters.)