Kolonel's Krank Movie Musings

Hey Paisanos! It’s favorite kremling in command here, Kolonel Krank! I just got out of the theater from seeing Alien: Romulus and I got to admit, I’m actually a little surprised at how good this movie turned out. Admittedly, said surprise is partially from the fact that I had very low expectations for this film, even with the abundance of positive buzz around it. You see, Alien has a franchise has never been what one might call fortunate. Which is a nice way of saying that almost every Aliens project after the first two movie was a bit of a shitshow. While the original ‘Alien’ is a beloved cinematic classic and it’s immediate sequel ‘Aliens’ is equally high-regarded. The series quickly went of the rails with Alien3, which burned through script after script and was essentially ghost directed by producers at Fox much to the dismay of David Fincher, the man originally meant to helm the project. After that came the bizarre mess that was Alien: Resurrection and the dud of the Al...

Having just returned from the Borderlands movie, I must admit that a few…questions ran through my little gourd. And not just the usual query that arises whenever a new piece of Borderlands media hits the market, said query being “Who did Randy Pitchford swindle money from to produce this one? Did he agree to make a different film for Lionsgate and siphon said film’s budget into this? Perhaps he stole a few credit cards from Eli Roth’s wallet after distracting him with a few ‘magic tricks’ he learned from a Usb drive filled with pornography? Or maybe he simply decided to underpay the movie’s staff and then refuse to pay out several bonuses he them. That’s the lovely little surprise that comes from working with Randy Pitchford! He’s going to get up to some dubiously legal shenanigans and you’ll never know who’s expense they’ll be at!”         Executive Producer of this movie, former Gearbox C.E.O and 'alleged' thief of 12 million dollars, Randy Pitchford . ...

  So, I just got back from M.Night Shayamalan’s newest film, oh excuse me, newest ‘experience’ Trap and I’m not going to mince words here, I found this film incredibly disappointing. Not only was this the first movie in a long time that’s actually made me fall asleep in the theaters, but to me it seems to demonstrate that Shayamalan’s is falling back into bad habits. Though the basic conceit of a serial killer taking his daughter to a pop concert, only for said concert to be a sting operation that he has to escape from is fascinating in its own right. Shayamalan’s frankly bizarre directing choices lead to strange, wooden acting across the board, with Josh Hartnett, who plays the main character Cooper, being the worst offender in this regard. I understand what the intention was, to portray Cooper as a mentally unstable character prone to mood swings and manipulative behavior. A man who is desperately trying to find an escape route while relying on a mounting list of lie to buy preci...