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Red One review

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Happy Holidays, you eccentric elves! It’s your favorite kristmas kroc hitting the airwaves with a…review? I feel as if that word might be too kind for the literary lashing the next few paragraphs are bound to bring, given my feelings on this… quite frankly bizarre piece of cinema. Though, if I’m being honest, most of my negativity towards the film only really came when I gave myself some time to really reflect on how utterly slapdash this movie was. My initial reaction was more one of confusion than anything. Mainly confusion as to a 250 million dollar budget, several high-profile celebrities who I assume would as least be somewhat cautious about the roles they chose, if only to protect their own reputations, and a studio run by Amazon and fucking MGM could all culminate to produce a movie that genuinely looks worse than most independent films were pulling off in the late 90s and early 2000s. Even before I saw the film, I had a hard time believing this thing was even real. When I first...
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Dragon Ball Daima first impression

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 Salutations you Spiky-Haired Saiyans and Greetings to every God of Destruction, It’s the Koolest kroc in Universe 7, Kolonel Krank with my thoughts on Dragon Ball Daima!     (I will say, this show gets some points for not wasting entire arcs recapping movies like how Super started out)  So, I sort of umed and awed about whether or not I wanted to review this on the blog since it’s technically not video game or movie related but A.) I did go to the fathom event and saw the first 3 episodes in theaters and B.) This is my blog, and I make the rules XD.  All joking aside though, I did sort of want a reason to gush because I absolutely love Dragon Ball and I figured this would be as good a place as any to do that. So with that said, let’s dive into the demon world on a brand new Dragon Ball Adventure! So, starting off with the basic premise, the show takes place in-between the defeat of Kid Buu and the beginning of Battle of Gods. All seems well for Goku and h...
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Venom: The Last Dance Review

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(Still wish we could've gotten a Venom with the iconic white Spider around his body though.)  Happy Halloween, You slimy, slithering Symbiotes. It’s the Marvelous…ehh, Marvelous might be a little generous, the alright Kolonel Krank! So, what fearful frightfest do I have lined up for All Hallow’s Eve! Well, everyone, get yourselves ready for the terrifying…Venom: The Last Dance? Th…That’s not a horror movie… why I am doing this for Halloween? Oh, that’s right. Because I’m super late to this movie and the biggest horror flick playing near me is Terrifier-3 and, cards on the table, I completely forgot that movie even came out. I might have to swing back around to that one another time. But for now, let’s see just how much verbal venom I have for this extraterrestrial trilogy finale.    Alright so, I’ll admit that my feelings on the first Venom movie were not kind. Even setting aside the idea of doing a movie about Venom, a character largely defined by the relationship to Spi...
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V/H/S Beyond review

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  V/H/S Beyond review     (I wonder how long I can lean into this before Nintendo sues my goofy ass)   Greetings, travelers from beyond, it’s your favorite Krocodilian from the Kosmos back again with a spectacularly spooky horrowshow from the fine folks over at Shudder! Here with a review of V/H/S Beyond! Aka, V/H/S…7?! Bruh, the first movie came out when I was still in middle school! …How do I feel old at 25? Uh..sorry, got sidetracked there. Let’s get into the review and Krank up the Noise! So, another October comes around and with it, another entry in the ...venerable…? horror series V/H/S and I have to admit that even as I write this review, there’s still a part of me that simply asks myself ‘How on fucking Earth does a seventh V/H/S film even exist? I’m shocked this series even lasted past the third one.’ Which honestly, is probably the most concrete opinion I’ve managed to form on this series as a whole. Seriously, I feel like I can never pin down any...
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Nintendo Alarmo initial thoughts and reactions

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... .... …... .. It’s a fucking clock, what do you want me to say? It’s an alarm clock for $100! Nintendo why? Just announce the Switch-2, Please for the love of.. We apologize everyone! Kolonel Krank is currently unavailable, please leave a message at the tone or call back later, goodbye!
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Joker Foile à Deux review (Content warning for mentions of sexual abuse. Also Spoiler warning.)

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(content warning for mentions of abuse and sexual assault.)       (Admittedly, I'm not sure how sensitive it is to make this the thumbnail but I've been seeing this meme all fucking weekend leading up to the movie and I can't get it out of my head so here it is. Hey, turn that frown upside down you costumed clowns because you’re killer kroc is back! That’s right, your precious pudding Kolonel Krank is here with a review of Joker: Foile à Deux and uh…yeah, I’m not gonna lie here, I’m at a bit of a loss here. I’ve had movies inspire joy, frustration, disappointment, and even slight disgust but Apathy, especially at this level, is rare. Even Borderlands, a film I described as ‘cinematic Novocaine’ managed to summon more emotion from me than Joker Foi…fuck it, I’m just calling this thing Joker-2, did. I suppose I should try to collect myself and start with the parts that actually stand out in my mind, as few and far between as they are! Lady Gaga delivers a fairly dec...
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